and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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