you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
