threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
