The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
