We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
