I need to stop coming to work sober
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
