just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
