You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
