if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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