I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
