yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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