just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
