then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
