Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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