sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
