i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
