youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
