i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
