I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
