That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
