I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
