2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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