even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
