Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
