you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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