How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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