i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
