dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
