I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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