How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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