How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
