I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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