so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
