I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
