I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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