that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
