Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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