Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Someone shattered a urinal.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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