Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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