I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
