I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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