I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
