Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
