I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
