You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
