If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
