Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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