i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
