M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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