She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
