My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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