I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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