Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
