can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
