you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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