he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
did you just send me my own nude
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
